WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO THE EXPLOSIVE MONDAY ISSUE
Our first scandal is an exclusive undercover report by our own Scotty, "A known Mr C was frantically found running around his house like a headless chicken to get ready for an apparent night out last sunday. It soon dawned upon me that the 'man' in question was for some completely unknown reason waxing his legs! Once restrained it was said they were 'as smooth as silk'. Attempts at shaving off his eyebrows were also rumoured but unsuccessful due to a modelling contract breech"
Secondly, an apparent relationship has been unveiled between a Mr. Emery and an unknown chav named Devvo (so called cause he smelled of shit) in Doncaster. We are unsure as to what is going on so we will endeavour to find out more using our probes.
Thirdly, with the biggest party weekend approaching we see a huge increase in the number of scandalous incidents. If a lack of scandal is experienced it shall be viewed as a completely boring time!
Finally, aren't shoes nice nowadays. But they don't really have any good good shoes anymore, why are thy made of tiny scraps of plastic with extorsionate prices?? (random babbling courtesy of Sexy Pete)
Bye for now,
The Scandal Press Editor-in-Chief
Our first scandal is an exclusive undercover report by our own Scotty, "A known Mr C was frantically found running around his house like a headless chicken to get ready for an apparent night out last sunday. It soon dawned upon me that the 'man' in question was for some completely unknown reason waxing his legs! Once restrained it was said they were 'as smooth as silk'. Attempts at shaving off his eyebrows were also rumoured but unsuccessful due to a modelling contract breech"
Secondly, an apparent relationship has been unveiled between a Mr. Emery and an unknown chav named Devvo (so called cause he smelled of shit) in Doncaster. We are unsure as to what is going on so we will endeavour to find out more using our probes.
Thirdly, with the biggest party weekend approaching we see a huge increase in the number of scandalous incidents. If a lack of scandal is experienced it shall be viewed as a completely boring time!
Finally, aren't shoes nice nowadays. But they don't really have any good good shoes anymore, why are thy made of tiny scraps of plastic with extorsionate prices?? (random babbling courtesy of Sexy Pete)
Bye for now,
The Scandal Press Editor-in-Chief
32 comments:
some nice scandals this week, well done those at the scandal press office.
such a shame im on my d of e weekend this weekend, cant believe im going to miss 2 parties, plus chris' because im on holiday! im sure youll all miss me loads!! anyways hope you all have fun.
as exams are coming to an end how are you all feeling? nearly done with bolton school!!
and id like to clear something up, not all of james' legs are now waxed, just a little bit but its hardly noticeable, but it would have been funny if lucy had managed to catch him earlier... but nevermind!
The next thing you know, they will be making up excuses for Mr Clarke putting Make Up on and walking around in Dresses and Heels!
With the number of random people going to Paul's party, i'm sure he could create enough Scandal to keep you in business for the next few months on his own. I'm sure the stories will be leaping off our screens come Monday!
Oooo... since Mr. Clark is going to the year 11 Leavers Ball, will we get to see him on full drag? The Scandal Press would not be able to cope with that much input. Next weeks issue really would be "Explosive"!
hello one and all!
I must appear to quash the semi-truth of the demise of the hair on my legs. It is true i had a run in with a wax strip but the damage was insignificant (too much running away).
On the other point of me and cross-dressing we all know (and secretly admire) me in a dress as the highlight of many peoples lives, but as for an appearence at the forthcoming leavers ball i must disappoint. Me and Kat had a little talk and decided that although i have very nice breasts as many people admire (Paul, Rick) they aren't quite upto the job of keeping up Kat's beautiful dress.
So sorry to Disappoint.
Laura, he does, but he doesnt make excuses for doing so, i was saying that soon they may start making up excuses saying as theyve already done so with the waxing. james, no-one should be put through the torture of seeing you in a dress, not even the most annoying person in the world(which means that u shouldn't even look at yourself in the mirror when wearing a dress!!!:p hehe)
wiat a minuet!! are you saying he's taken my title as the most annoying person in the world away from me?!! :o nooo and here I was just getting used to the idea... O well
did you really get a bit waxed of james? hehehe some friends and I had been trying to get that done to a real macho who had said that he doesn't understand why it's said to hurt. but we haven't managed t yet despite desperate tries at night (I'm happy to say I wasn't a part of that and dont even know exactly what happened)
o right
p.s. to harsh reality
I bet you couldn't see the link that lead to the pic of scotty with his cool sunglasses cus my threatening post was taken off by the scandal press chief in editor (chicken ;P) but the sunglasses are the height of coolness and so everyone should see em! here they are
Adri
Xxx
I had a little bit waxed as most of the wax had already dried. (because i ran away).
Chris, i'm the most annoying person in the world? really? well i am flattered.
On that note my ickle Gimpel i must be going.
Is it me or does the thoughts of Mr Clarke make one feely rather sickly! Firstly, I agree with my adopted bro and say out loud that nobody has any intentions or fantasties of seeing you in a red dress...please, for the good of others! Secondly, we were not aware of your *shudders* "breast" size Mr C and wish to no longer talk about or even picture that one.
However, it's nice to see the scandal being taken as such that you all had something to say. I must say for myself that damn, it was funny to read the comments of the Chief Editor in full flow.
Jonah
Here's my second comment in a row dedicated to my adopted sister, who will sadly be away during the three, even James can count them, yes 3 bonza-esque parties as she is on the D of E expeditions. We shall somehow look to find a scandal to compensate for your absence and any such exclusives will be dedicated to you.
*Terms and conditions do not apply
Jonah
p.s. Adriana, please buy me some new sunglasses soon!
awww, thanks bruv! youre very kind. :D ill look forward to hearing all the scandals coming out of the parties.
Yeah, adriana, i did get that stunning photo, but also it gave me an idea so check it out.
We should sue you for copyright law or something or other. That's not right! How could you blemish such a quality photo?? I do suppose it's in the name of the scandal but I am very ticked off that we did not have any sort of committee meeting before it's publication. Any such repeats shall will be met with my subsequent resignation!
Sole Employee of the SP
WHAT?!!! are you suggesting it's a fake Mr. Jones?!!! :O well!!! After through comparison I've discovered that that (pete's) is indeed the true photo and that the other is merely a photomontage!!!
Scott, as Mr Clarke proved after the Physics Exam, he can't count to 3 without the help of a calculator, and i think mocking him for this would be, ermmmmm, whats the word, oh yeah, necessary and of course hilarious
Now lets try it....1 2 3
See, its not too hard is it?
Thats 1, then 2, then 3
How about you try it now?
Chris, you shouldn't be using your calculator there either! We know you were using it, don't try to deny the fact!
Like it guys, the masterpiece that is the number tables! Yes, Mr Clarke may well have difficulties in this area but we must help him recover these fundamental skills...
So, to help him once more, I have his second class of the day, the ALPHABET! Here goes, pencil crayons ready James? (like Geography all over again!)
S (ess) C (see) A (ay) N (en) D (dee) A (ay) L (el)
Now you try! Jonah
Now, i must complain about Mr Shepleys comments! In no way do i need a calculator to count upto 3, (its when it gets into double figures that i have trouble) so i demand an apology!
I think Mr Shepley and Mr Clarke should sit in the third lesson of the day, Simple Maths. Now, Can anyone tell me what 6 divided by 2 is???
Also, i have heard that Mr Clarke needs help getting dressed. My Mum says that he looked like he needed help. I wonder if Mr C's mum has been too busy to help him dress recently, or has the fued between the two of them reached such a level that she refuses to help him?
3(for the benefit of Mr. Paddon)
Mr. P, your comments are not unfounded. It is true that one Mr. C requires help getting changed, as only yesterday he appeared claiming that he had no bow-tie. (One was generously loaned by Chief Editor)Then Mr. C needed further help in putting on the bow-tie.
I would like to also confess that I am useless at putting bow-ties on, but the rest I am just about fine with!! Well, the sunglasses are the hardest things to put on, balancing them on your head is tricky but fully rewarding. For more sunglasses info, contact me now!
I must proclaim that the Chief Editor has a by far superior bow-tie as it appears to spin around as you look at it!
Jonah
well I really didn't want to be forced to say it ...but ...*looks at toes** I can't even put a tie or a bow tie on! **hides eyes in shame**
Note, this was not a proper bow-tie he was clumsily trying to throttle himself with. It was one with a hook and extra fabric to tighten appropriately. He just could not find the hook, which was inward facing for those who could not master their power.
Indeed, the might Pete has eclipsed us all again with his mastery skills of how to do a bow-tie!
I just wanted to inform you about something Chris manage to uncover whilst drinking unknown brands of "Ultra Cola" watching music videos one after the other that the Scandal Press may be endorsed by the great band Chemical Romance, who in their video used the work *scandalous* across the screen.
Chris will undoubtedly clarify.
Jonah
Absolutely, it is a bit of a subliminal message(for those of you that know the video, it comes up right at the dn just before the "Jocks" and the Band/Croquet Players charge at each other.
You must drink more Soda, Drink!!!!!!!Drink Soda!!!
*goes to get a Soda*
ahhh, who says Subliminal Messages don't exist?
For some strange reason, I have an extra thirst right now... I wanna Ultra Cola, forget all of that bulk up protein juice, gimme gimme Ultra Cola!
A brainwashed Jonah
*This message was brought to you by Ultra Cola, for all your thirst needs and more! If you ain't drinking it, grab a can now!
we aint even got ultra cola in germany ...not that i know of that is
Just want to see here on the Monday Issue, that I am very much looking forward to this week's Scandal Issue and especially as we had bacon butties at the great Paul's humble home in sheer abundance! yes, indeed, we had many helpings in the absence of the one they call Sexy Pete and the Chief Editor too!
Wow, all hail Robert, greatest driver ever...
Jonah
AN APOLOGY!
Due to a very anomolous weekend of partying and little rest, the Monday Issue has not been able to be compsed, edited nor even thought of yet in time for its expected Monday time slot. We would like to apologise to you here at the Scandal Press headquarters and reassure you all that your loyalty and all of your high expectations of this phenomenom will not go unnoticed. Watch this space, as they say.
Sole Employee
wow!! I was just about to complain saying, that you've had enough time to do it by now (I thought it was wednesday or thursday) only to find out that it's still tuesday!!! WWOOOOWW!! Have I done A LOT in TWO days!!!!! I can't believe this lol
great fun. I feel at home with everyone here **sighs** finally under people who are just open to a conversation about anything and have abstract ways of thinking ....right so I'm not anywhere near good in comparison to them in art.... but I'm not even going to think about that ;D plus, I'll get better!! harhar! I will beat them yet!!! ;P
xxx
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