THE END!

The Monday Issue

Dear All,

Without much of a basis to go on, we are somewhat proud to announce that James Clarke is and was a Head Choir Boy, we are unsure as to which religion it was but try this link, thoroughly fitting I believe.

I can currently only emphasize how great our trip to Manchester today was, and due to a great medium of communication the only person missed was Kyle, who is at this moment smuggling an entire shipment of fuel out of Shell and we're going to hide it in Pauls summer house or Clarkeys downstairs aqua cupboard.

Now a few words of scandal from our foreign correspondant Timmy (fresh out of a bulgarian prison) in America: Upon driving to Why in Arizona i came across a Reflexology Clinic where they stated with much enthusiasm that "We unblock your constipation with our fingers", a harrowing comment i'm sure, which will lead to much entertainment to us learnéd Englishmen.

Finally, some inspiring words from an unknown graffiti artist, "All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door" (and according to Italian law being a lady of negotiable affection called Mary)

Yours,

Until next week,

The Scandal Press Editor-in-Chief

And Timmy.

Lost!

One Great Friend

Answers to the names 'Scott' or 'Scotty'

There have been many sightings, but he has proved illusive to catch so far.

Please help us.

"We are lost, lost in a world without out good friend Mr Scott Jones." Mr P. J. Clarke

Habits include late night walks round Ladybridge with his friends and drinking coffee with his friends whilst having a chat.

It is out of his character to be gone for so long without hearing from him, and we fear for his safety.

A reward will be given to the person or persons who help with our dear friend's return.

Please help us.

Chris, James, Paul and Rick

The Late Monday Issue

Dear One, All, and Everyone,

The Monday Issue is a tad late this week due to unforseen laziness, but anyway i have to pick up on a few things this week.

Firstly, congrats to Charlie for passing his test the first time after 10 Driving lessons plus time with his dad, this certainly puts the lime light off certain people who didn't pass first time! (but having a Mazda to drive is quite amazing)

Secondly, good look everybody wherever you're going, to university or elsewhere in the world(particularily near Shanghai), personally all i have to say to the rest of you unlucky school goers is "ha!", youre about to have the most stressful times of your life.

Anyway, "enough already", They cry. We all loved, im sure, Pauls "Last Roll of the Dice". And I definately heard the funniest things i have ever heard in my life, firstly courtesy of Paul and secondly courtesy of Kat and Rachel (if you wish to know exactly what it was that made me laugh please ask me in the comments box and i'll e-mail them to you personally)

Erm...What else to say?

Ah, yes. I'm having trouble deciding what to put on the Scandal Press after we all go our separate ways. Personally, I would like to continue but it would just become a summary of my weeks. I'll post on the subject on Monday i'm sure.

Yours,

The Scandal Press Editor-in-Chief

Also Starring

The Scandal Press President (Post available, competitive rates*)

*100% wage increase every year on what you earned in the last year!