FOUND - EMERY'S CLONE?

News just into the SP headquarters: a young man with an inane and infective grin was spotted recently on billboards nationwide in the land of the Deutsche in what has claimed to be a promotion of a social day this coming Thursday. Although the cheeky-faced youngster failed to provide us with any explanation, we here at the Scandal Press believe him to be the long lost brother of our beloved blonde haired climber, Emery, but reports are yet to be confirmed. One suspects, in the age of high-tech scientific engineering, that Emery was experimented on and bore an identical clone who ran away, perhaps in search of a kick-ass beer by the name of Kölsch. One thing is for sure, the match is uncanny but we await the response from the man himself in the near future, perhaps to tell us whether he too will be acting all environmentally friendly by planting a tree for the occasion.

President of the SP

Eussi Yadnom

Welcome back readers, to another exhaustively prepared and documented Monday Issue. The weeks have taken to flight and many are missing and scandal sparse. I should not complain I'm sure I will be able to rustle something up.

I’m about to start a gruelling exam week and most of you have finished, despite it being unlikely it will get marked. The plans for a summer of partying are underway and with the return of the Scandal Group, I’m sure a trip to the Pub will be needed. Unfortunately under Mr. Josephs’ strict instructions I am forbidden to go. According to his, room-filling, voice during our free/study* periods and exam leave it would be mighty unwise to present one-self at the Pub directly opposite the school/college you attend (*bollocks). Unfortunately the same location a current Yr 13 met his doom with a long nose, black jeans, battered shoes, breaking belt wearing, and Edinburgh University student from the South. My whispered response to his ludicrous speech was, “What am I supposed to do? I live next door to that pub. Where does he expect me to go?” (Despite the alcohol being pumped up from the drains and into a pint glass, it is also conveniently the cheapest Pub in Bolton.) The simple bypass to this random act of intolerances by the school is to remove ones school tie and when approached deny recognition of the accusing teacher and demand her/him to stop bothering you. The Occupational Health and Safety Act 2000 states that the workplace should have an alcohol and drugs policy, I’ll have to find out what the school employees’ one is and if those maths staff trips at lunchtime are in breech of it.

On a less scandalous note I went for the first time climbing out doors in the Northwest. The last time in Briton I climbed outside was 5 years ago with scouts in the Northeast. Anyway I met up with Clarke and Emery at Brownstones then went on to Wilton. He last time we three were in a car it nearly resulted in it being split in two by a concrete separation on a motorway, luckily nothing like that happened this time.

Yours With Luck

Harsh Reality