The Monday Issue... is here!

I return once again to entertain the far and wide readers of the Scandal Press. As with the highly increased interest with this site I can feel a new lease of life in regard to Scandal, so without further ado.

Just incase the news hasn't reached you yet james diyed his hair. The fallowing is an exclusive intervew the agony aunt gone wrong had with him last friday (25.11.05)

Dare me sagt:what's the exact colour look like?

Anyone back in Bolton This Weekend? sagt:sort of a redy/purple

Dare me sagt:did you die it yourself?

Anyone back in Bolton This Weekend? sagt:Kim (one of my flatmates) did it for me[...]

Dare me sagt:o right when did you die it?

Anyone back in Bolton This Weekend? sagt:tuesday

The Scandal Press office await the photos of conformation on this subject and frankly I just can't wait, so that I can find out how many hahaha's I can fit in the comments box. (Although I can't imagine I'd be able to type anything through the paralysing laughter).

Also using an undisclosed reporter, words reach the office that one Mr. Paul is picking up the southern accent faster than any sane person should be allowed. Intellect has made him absorb not only excessive knowledge, but also the local "North of Watford" accent.

The annual year 12 trip to Patterdale Hall for business dynamics began last Wednesday, with the first lot of lads going north for a relative waste of time (I'm going today). For the most laughable offence two of our year got sent home the morning after the first night. The bets were running with various offences including; drunken, drunk in the morning, taking alcohol, fighting, stealing or smoking. One of the listed is correct, but it's just pitiful. A source tells me they we caught stealing sweets off one of the business dynamics leaders. It sounded like he gave them out , but in this case they just tok 'em. Thiefing little idiots.

Anyhoo that's that until next week (, well maybe).

In the words of Bruce Lee (from Enter the Dragon):

"It's like a finger pointing at the moon... don't! concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory before you."

SCANDAL IS MINE

HMPH is all i have to say right now. What has happened to the scandal press in my absense, its not right, sort it out people or i will take further actions to secure this webpage in history!!!

It Finally Happened!!

Well it had to happen, didn’t it?

Six months of speculation.

Four months of a sweepstake.

And finally, our best efforts have finally come to fruition!

Kyle and Soph are now, at long last, as one.

This breaking news is brought to you by the one person who probably aggravated them the most in their “courtship” and was very pleased when they decided to stop sharing their tongues to tell him the glorious news. As I bounce about at my desk, leaving my friends in confusion as I ran down the stairs shouting “It’s finally happened!” back at them to explain my sudden disappearance.

A six month crescendo to the inevitable lead to a sweep stake in their third month as we got tired of them saying there was nothing going on. Something had to break, and we nearly all put money on that fact. Expecting it to run and run, and Pete Thornley to collect the entire 70 pence jackpot after 12 months, no one gave second thought to the glorious sweepstake. But now, only four months in, we have a winner. Or, well, a pair of winners.

Rose and Niksa lay their claim to the entire 70p winnings fund to be shared equally between them. We make it about a Mars bar each, you’ll be glad to know. Monies will be collected and dished out again over the glorious Christmas period, but I’m off to buy some random people drinks for random people who they don’t know!

Bask in the news and don’t forget to offer them your congratulations.

See you at Christmas!

Paul

The Monday Issue for Those Who Wish to Read

Welcome back to another Monday Issue..

Last Friday lead to another year of remembering those who suffered and fought during the second world war. Meaning less and boring as it can sometimes be, the school halted for a couple of minutes. Unfortunately this week I have had to take the Philosopher Hobbes' dim view of human life to heart, therefore I sometimes fail to see the importance of remembering something which I personally cannot connect with. Yeah, yeah... I know all this blurrb about the fact that Britain would be a Facist Nation if men hadn't fought, but to be honest I DON'T CARE much.

I need to know what other people think of this please tell me your view, thanks.

On a lighter note, the picture above, if you can't quite read it, is of a piece of English homework done by one Mr. Clark for Miss Adriana(a.k.a. agony aunt gone wrong). Mr. Clark failed the homework quite miserably. The red markings are to indicate everything that is wrong according to th English Lehrer/Lehrerin in germany. One thing that is for sure is that the minds of German students are being corrupted by substandard English teachers. Despite how dificult it was to read what exactly Mr.C is sometimes on about he is ultimately always correct with the English language.

!SCANDALOUS!

The lost city?

Tyldesley - The LOST CITY
For some time now, residents of this God-forsaken area located in a unknown area of Greater Manchester, away from any form of civilisation, have talked about opening this once nuclear testing honey pot to the public for commercial and business use. To put it simply, they want to open the iron gates which enclose the mystical city to the unexpecting outside world. So, as Scandal President and long term employee of the greatest and must comprehensive press publication ever in all of mankind, it is with great irony that I type to you about a place devoid of all mankind! However, this city was suspected of being founded, according to local historian Mr Clarke, in the Middle Ages and is likely to have be inhabited for some time.

In fact, the local Geography nut was amazed to find any traces of human life in this once volcanic environment and more recently a nuclear wasteland, as he so elegantly described it. Mathematician, Mr Paddon looks back on the era he survived in this abandonned city and remarks that a local video rental store. similar to those found in our own society, was one of the few things that helped him cling onto to sanity, or so he says!

So, the project to build some sort of connection between this place and our own surroundings have been difficult indeed, but world-famous engineer Mr Shepley claimed that he would be able to build some sort of brigde over the land to connect to the two areas, regardless of the several murky swaps and crocodile pits which lurk below.

So where does Tyldesley go from here? Have any of you been lucky enough to experience this environment and come out unscathed? This crazy writer believes it's all mythology, but I don't know.