Welcome to the Halloween Monday Issue (muwhahahaha!!!)

Welcome back readers. If you do not mind, due to the occasion, I have chosen to write completely in red and be especially sarcastic and evil (like wishing that you were all DEAD!)

The reason for my week gap was due to the annual autumn term break and the equally annual trip to Scotland with the Thornley family, although this time it was to visit one of the clan. While up their we spent time at my aunt's house (mam's sister), which was an extra plus as she was 2 weeks over due with my fifth cousin. She was eventually born on the Sunday after we had left.

Any way on with the Halloween special... (no offence intented)

No doubt that Messer Clark will continue his rampage in providing his readers with poisonous concoctions from his university trials. I must say that the stir-fry was practically the "draft of death", so ofcourse I would recoment to everyone.

Word reaches my long pointed ears that a cult has been set up lead by one "agony aunt gone wrong". She leads this internet based sadistic witch burning procession, watch out if you value surfing on.

I do not know if it just me, but does it cross your blood-shot eyes that with a "Hotmail" sign in name such as "Moonbeam" that they may have some thing about moonbeams. It is with unjustified claims that I insist that Miss Paddon reveal he true colours as a Werewolf Woman. Also, for certain reasons, I encourage Mr Clark to get as close to Miss paddon as he likes preferably around full moon time (Wednesday November 16th at 12:56 to be precise)

On a last thought, do you know anyone who wears a neckbrace? Does it look like they need it? If so i'd advise eating lots of garlic, but because of the occasion don't bother. Apply vasline to the neck just to make it easier and eat plenty of red meat, you'll taste much better and i can tell this through experience.

Go rot in hell

yours sincerly and mournfully

Harsh Reality

THE HAPPY MONDAY ISSUE FORM THE SCANDAL PRESS OFFICE

The week goes by and it seems to be realatively boring and inanimated, yet it always seems that the three days before the Mornday Issue is posted the week pulls through and provides quality at the last moment. Firstly i would like to thank those who helped to contribute to this weeks issue by sending forth valuable scandal that I may use. It is a great pleasure to receive such mail once in a while and even then get to use it. So I believe it to be the best idea to begin with our freelance reporters.

I will leave the reders to make what they will of this piece, but thanks again:

today, monday, a certain, infamous chris paddon was fairly drunk after drinking "
12/10/2005
00:24:55
ich liebee dich so Nadia!!! mein schatzi!!! (l) (k) DAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanke!!!
(8) Vindicated, I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right, I swear I'm right, Swear I knew it all along, And I am flawed (8)
how much did you drink?
12/10/2005
00:25:25
(8) Vindicated, I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right, I swear I'm right, Swear I knew it all along, And I am flawed (8)
ich liebee dich so Nadia!!! mein schatzi!!! (l) (k) DAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanke!!!
4, but i drank 3 of them quickly and i downed one of them"

he was said to have been with a girl when he got this drunk but pleas don't mention my name as the informant ;P

It is with great pleasure that our far and wide freelance reporters come up with quality such like this.

Last Friday laid claim to the long and varied history of Bolton School with the beginning of the School house championship. For those who are unaccustomed to this event it is a whole day devoted to winning events to gain points for your House. The pupils are split into four Houses, (blackburn, chorley, wigan and Manchester) and go about acts of physical strength or intellectual challanges. The more events your house wins the more points they gain and therefore they aim to win, each House Day happens once a term giving Houses time to claw back spectacular victories. For those who don't use my MSN address will not know of my courageous personal win of the climbing competition. Beating, under competition rules, both Andrew Emery and Tom Gibson, both considered the best climbers in the school, at the fewest number of holds to go around the wall (fifteen I believe) which all three of us drew on. Only for me to win with the knock out swift timed traverse of the wall. The rest of House Day was much of a blur, but one thing got through was that the taller (in a sense of the word) new Chinese lad is especially good at basket ball, but was slightly annoyed by the roughness at which Bolton lads play. House Day, however, was not all fun and games. Thanks to that one day of fun and due to the premature ending of school for half-term (on a thursday), one Mr. Y(name removed for leagal reasons, but the initial is however accurate ) of the Chemistry Department has taken it upon himself to give the whole class two extra lessons over lunchtime, because of us missing two of his doudle sessions. Unfortunately this will be on a Thursday which is not only a full day for me, but also the lunchtime lesson clashes horribly with climbing club, so which one comes first is for anyone to decide.

A further reason for the House Day taking place on a Friday was so that it would give the organisers of Open Day, on the Saturday after, a free reign of the school to set it up. This however left the Learning Centre abandoned by one Mr. H allowing me and six others to play seven man Bomberman over the school network, v.cool. As far as heard over the stewards Walkie Talkies everything went fine, even though the previous year when the Boy's Division had a Open Day there was only a couple of parking spaces left in the school car parks and this year they had the Girl's Division doing this at the same time. One thing I did pick up over the radio was that the school had trouble from one disgrunteled neighbour who was complaining about a parent blocking him in.

With many thanks

I must leave you unfortunately for a week as I am jetting off to Scotland for half-term

so until next time

goodbye

Revenge of the Monday Issue

It is with great privilege that I return to you, the devoted readers, to provide the lastest Monday Issue. The difficulty in keeping this, "old legend" of a, site is that having wide spaced members makes it difficult to write something of interest to everyone. But no doubt I'll plough on and pray or the best. Please note that i wouldn't say no to any scandal in your neck-of-the-woods despite how unrelated to anyone else it is, thankyou. Anyhoo "to the scandal!" I hear they cry...

The Pink Friday Went with a blast, many people contributed and they made lots of money for charity, I must say however that the majoritory of the money was made through the sale of pink wristbands, opposed to the wearing of pink shirts by the sixth form. The organisers took it upon themselve to take the school rules into their own hands and wear pink ties aswell as their pink shirts.

I was most unortunate to experience the closure of the *Nobel Room on Thursday and Friday of last week (*the "Common Room" has subsequently been renamed by one Mr. Hardy with the excuse that, " I'm no commoner!") The reason for this closure is that during a fire drill on the Thursday morning before morning break, according to the catering staff, up to forty sandwiches and flapjacks were "stolen" from the Dining Hall. This was no doubt the fault of the people who go into lunch early to pick up sandwiches etc., because they do sport over the lunch break. Being lazy they could not be bothered to que again for their lunch and merely walked straight through picked up some food and walked out. the worst thing about this charade, apart from the over reaction from the catering staff, was that the Nobel Room was shut for two days despite the year11s being responsible too. Also on a side note I personally was rather peed off because I have the whole of the morning off on the Friday, the labary I must say was a delight to spend three hours in.

So far this week I have nearly expeienced a test in every subject twice over for the upcomming half-termly report cards despite them being useless at the moment as we have barely learned four pages of notes from each teacher. The lower sixth has also been promised that we will be provided with a predicted grade by using complicated equations and taking in different and sometimes random data to formulate and answer.

And with a final note...

!!Happy Holocene!!

Welcome To Another Random And Riveting Monday Issue.

It is with great pleasure that I post my first proper Post (not counting the one about Mr. C's actual appearance). With the devoted fans of Scandal begging to see more; how could I refuse. So without further ado I shall proceed.

This week it gets personal, now I'm not one to cast hatred about like confetti, but Grey Squirrels are pushing their luck when it comes to feeding time. The reluctantness of the modern people to hate creatures that are furry and have big cheeks has lead the world to ignore the evil Squirrels. This has led the creatures to believe that they can get away from anything, because we ignore them. The Scandalously cheeky Squirrels that I speak of will bite through a wooden mesh to get at the prize of nuts within. Also they seem not to understand what pain is or how to respond to it, yet I am sure they will get the picture after getting hit by small pellets.

How people of the world, come and join me to rid the garden of these trouble some creatures. Note: there is no restriction on how and when you can remove them from your garden (by any means neccessary).

In other news, the Bolton scene has been plagued with a possible "Pink" friday, organised by one P.Jolley. They consider persuading the sixth form into wearing pink shirts on the up coming friday, then charging them for wearing the colourful shirts! This maybe in aid of cancer, but to be honest, belittling the members o the sixth form to a level at which they they most certainly don't deserve is no way to raise money.

Scandalous reports next, as lately discovered scandal from Iceland. Timmy once again comes up with priceless informaton to fill our columns.

The words from his shattering lips was as follows, "they h-h-h-have n-n-no t-t-toilet r-r-roll over here!"

Wow, there we have it scandalous reports from somewhere cold.

Anyhoo, time flies, so I'll have to end with saying:

Who ever you are, what ever you are doing relax, remember someone cares about you even if you can't see them.

GoodNight