The First Monday Issue In Over A Month!

Dear Everyone (i'll be somewhat formal this time!)

I am sure you are all aware that school continues in another weeks time, and on such a day i laugh that i, among many, can still get up at 10am or later and watch TV all day if desired.

With this music thing currently on the go i can only say could we please have the Furby Prank Call by Weird Al Yankovich and The Only Gay Eskimo Song by Tenacious D

Scandal, people, Scandal. I really have no ideas here this week... or maybe.

Right i'm gonna be damn right rude now and put a PA here.

If there is the tiniest chance you believe this please take me up on it...i am about to become a serial house burner downer. I shall take a few drops of vodka light them and instantly your house will become a bonfire, on the other hand you could just trust that it won't actually happen because im not actually that sort of person.

On the other side of things, i currently hate my hair and am running a campaign to get paid to have it all cut off. If you want to support the cause please have your wallets/bank accounts ready for a withdrawal and add a comment. If i get more people supporting this idea with a reasonable amount of money (£250+ should do it among everyone who supports the movement) i shall be quite happy to do so.

(THIS IS NOT A JOKE AND I SHALL TAKE ALL ACTION GETTING THE MONEY PROMISED...YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)

yours in hope,

The Scandal Press Editor-in-Chief

(Sole Employee: Scandal Press President* Scott Jones)

*this is just a trophy title it means nothing but will please him anyway

The New And Returned Scandal Press

Dear Y'all,

It has been a long time since I posted any such update on the Scandal Press, so here goes.

Thursday was the true beginning of the week with our results being published, congrats to everyone who got what they wanted. Clarkey seems to be following into what is becoming a Clarke Family Tradition, by going to Leeds to follow his elder sister and an unknown cousin, we are truely sorry for Miss L. Clarke as she will have to put up with james for the rest of her uni stay, a prospect which will surely scare the most courageous of us all.

As everyone should remember we went out on thursday night to the rice bowl, the oyster bar, norwegian blue and revolution. If you dont i suggest you start looking for a lawyer as your bound to be prosecuted for a public order offence.

More extra news, Christopher paddon had announced that he would be WITH two girls in Belgium, we are completely unsure as to what this will result in but possibly chris will never be allowed to visit belgium again! (i'm so gonna get my wrist chipped now)

Here's our latest report from Timmy: (unfortunately Timmy is currently locked up in a bulgarian prison so we won't be hearing from him in a while!)

EXTRA... In a blind drunk stupor i seem to remember clarkey referring to his (erm...) man(?)hood as Scotty on the results day night out, anyone who remembers this please assure my beliefs and i will be happy that i'm not a raving loony having nightmares about james!


Yours,

The Scandal Press Editor-in-Chief

The Much Anticipated Update

Almost a full month has gone and passed by without any sort of mutter of a scandal or any trace of scandalous reporting...but things are set to change as we welcome ourselves, the Scandal Press team, back into the fold with some hard-hitting and revealing press editions, set to hit your screens shortly.

So sit back, relax and let the good times roll baby!

Sole Employee *All Rights Removed