Needs Must and the Devil Drives

Could this be the Future of Mr. Clark, who knows? But atleast now he will get an idea before he continues with his drastic transformation.

The Explosive Monday Issue

WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO THE EXPLOSIVE MONDAY ISSUE

Our first scandal is an exclusive undercover report by our own Scotty, "A known Mr C was frantically found running around his house like a headless chicken to get ready for an apparent night out last sunday. It soon dawned upon me that the 'man' in question was for some completely unknown reason waxing his legs! Once restrained it was said they were 'as smooth as silk'. Attempts at shaving off his eyebrows were also rumoured but unsuccessful due to a modelling contract breech"

Secondly, an apparent relationship has been unveiled between a Mr. Emery and an unknown chav named Devvo (so called cause he smelled of shit) in Doncaster. We are unsure as to what is going on so we will endeavour to find out more using our probes.

Thirdly, with the biggest party weekend approaching we see a huge increase in the number of scandalous incidents. If a lack of scandal is experienced it shall be viewed as a completely boring time!

Finally, aren't shoes nice nowadays. But they don't really have any good good shoes anymore, why are thy made of tiny scraps of plastic with extorsionate prices?? (random babbling courtesy of Sexy Pete)

Bye for now,
The Scandal Press Editor-in-Chief

exhibit A - the coathanger
The Delayed Monday Issue
Following the mysterious story about the hotel incident reported exclusively right here last week, there is still a scandal looming in the air with regards to the escape of one of our known suspects from a locked cupboard with the use of what we think was a coat hanger, as in the photo.

One bemused witness, also linked to the escape, denied shortly after the story broke any involvement in the incident. The thin and black haired stranger, code named KSC, said in a suspicious Spanish accent, "me, I know nothing...I come from Barcelona!"

Wild allegations have also come flooding in accusing the well-respected Chief Editor here at the Scandal Press office of simply having made the whole story up in order to cause a stir. This writer is very much outraged by such unfounded claims and wishes to reveal to you all the recent release of one of the top suspects from a hold located somewhere in Bonn. Our foreign correspondent is nowhere to be found but it appears that she was found on the crime scene shortly after the escape was recorded. She uttered the words, "It's all a blur. Is that a camera? Are you still filming? Where you get that from?"

Another bystander wanted to borrow 20p, but we soon fled the area in sheer fear. The jury remains out on this particular scandal but news has just filtered through that at around 9pm local time on the Saturday evening, a named Laura allegedly consumed what seems to be food. We will keep you updated on that one.

Sole employee of the Scandal Press *All rights removed

THE MUCH AWAITED MONDAY ISSUE

Welcome one and all to the much awaited Scandal Press

This week the scandals were somewhat derived and hopefully fully offensive

Firstly, Scotty and I are now going out but a date has not been formally arranged which is a great pity.

Secondly, the Editor-in-Chief has been offered something on the side by one of the many Rachels we seem to know! This is slightly strange but also true!

Thirdly, Laura seems to be enamoured with someone called Percy, this we would love to know fully about, so speculation is expected from everyone! By the way does anyone know anyone called Percy?

Hot off the press, is the fact that a war seems to be going on involving a very strange artillery piece formally known as a party popper. As we understand the battle was furious and Sergeant Shepley suffered many assaults but emerged victorious, Private Thornley was awarded the most headshots medal against someone called Laura.

We have also heard rumours of an apparent incident involving Adriana, Kyle and a coathanger. we know little about this so i shall turn to my operative in bonn to do a little incognito work on our behalf

Anyway,
Goodbye for now and happy posting,
The Scandal Press Editor-in-Chief

Drunken fling?!

The Night we wanted to forget!

Typed and subsequently edited by the sole employee of the Scandal Press *All rights removed
The Scandal Press headquarters was viciously rocked last night when it learnt of a scandal so brutal, so destructive and so devastating that it was forced into being black-mailed into publishing this exclusive image, which as such warrants a parents advisory badge. The Senior Chief Editor and I , the sole employee of the Scandal Press were caught off-guard in what can only be described as passionate behaviour. Outsiders have already caused an uproar with their claims of a romantic twist to this shocking story and have even suggested that it may include some sort of triangular affair including a fiery-haired ladies' man, who shall remain nameless.

Hot off the press we would like to damn such evidence and officially give our side of the story, as not to continue with this saga for any longer. We, Richard and I, share a professional and social relationship, which in no way steps beyond that. We are very happy with our current, how do I put this, situations, and feel inclined to assure everyone that it shall never happen again. We do not wish to blame the role of alcohol in this case, but believe it played a key role in the event!

This comes amidst accusations, quite slanderous claims, that we here at the Scandal Press simply enjoy to have a laugh at the expense of others and we are thus gutless in our stories. This, I hope, shall prove such absurd allegations to be completely untrue.

the extra monday issue

dear all and welcome to the extra monday issue whenever we had the ball it was fun. james wore a dress and high heels(in our heads) scotty could have had some action but pulling alex payne would have been a mistake and opted to remain a gentleman! paul danced with many people and i met a random girl from work but i dont know her name! scotty really is gorgeous baby! james didnt wear a red dress aww! james is very happy chris dancedwith him.i got harassed by caz jepps and im currently as hacked as ajack ass!\wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bigging up the YMCA yet again james s keyboard is fucked up! oh yes and scotty is like the greatest dancer in the WORLD, he made Stiffler and salman look incompetant! Bigginguppancakes

ciao for now darlings

scandal press editor-in-chief