exhibit A - the coathanger
The Delayed Monday Issue
Following the mysterious story about the hotel incident reported exclusively right here last week, there is still a scandal looming in the air with regards to the escape of one of our known suspects from a locked cupboard with the use of what we think was a coat hanger, as in the photo.
One bemused witness, also linked to the escape, denied shortly after the story broke any involvement in the incident. The thin and black haired stranger, code named KSC, said in a suspicious Spanish accent, "me, I know nothing...I come from Barcelona!"
Wild allegations have also come flooding in accusing the well-respected Chief Editor here at the Scandal Press office of simply having made the whole story up in order to cause a stir. This writer is very much outraged by such unfounded claims and wishes to reveal to you all the recent release of one of the top suspects from a hold located somewhere in Bonn. Our foreign correspondent is nowhere to be found but it appears that she was found on the crime scene shortly after the escape was recorded. She uttered the words, "It's all a blur. Is that a camera? Are you still filming? Where you get that from?"
Another bystander wanted to borrow 20p, but we soon fled the area in sheer fear. The jury remains out on this particular scandal but news has just filtered through that at around 9pm local time on the Saturday evening, a named Laura allegedly consumed what seems to be food. We will keep you updated on that one.
Sole employee of the Scandal Press *All rights removed
36 comments:
The Express haven't a clue what they are missing out on! I would like to praise our very own head of staff as a geniune role model for the press industry, and not some mickey mouse reporter who's in it for the MONEY.
I subsequently ask that they kiss my ASS!
Jonah
Happy reading
It's all a blur. Is that a camera? Are you still filming? Where you get that from?
**shakes head**
o give yourself a break laura! anyways through not eating (specially if you dont eat breakfast) you'll make your body think that it's starving and so it'll make your metabolism go down (to keep your metabolism running nicely you actually have to get a specific amount of food into you on a daily basis but I've forgotten how much) causing you to not actually loose weight but gain it the next time you eat. If you want to lose weigh or something like that then just do sports and eat healthy (most of the time)
Dr Adri ;p
wow **feels all discuraged now** **sobbs** buuuuuuhuuuuu am I the only one who is this unhealthy? **flenn** ;p
nar youre not the only one, i eat probably way too much chocolate than is healthy, and do hardly any excercise, but nevermind. ive done enough for this week (jumping around at greenday and then running to the train station afterwards) ill tell you this i nearly died after that! hehe, but it was worth it :P
O yaaay!!! lol that kind of sounds as though you're quoting me though hmmm **thinks** you didn't happen to have a quick look into my brain now did you? ;p
Just had my French exam and it appears that the Scandal phenomenom has already reached the other side of the Channel...yes, indeed in the exam the adjective was used to full effect...
ahhh, oui, c'est scandaleuse!
(I nearly laughed for the first time in French!)
Jonah
hot off the press:
an incident involving an inanimate carbon rod with kat, clarkey and laura in a science room at school. we are completely certain of what was going on so there is absolutley no need to discuss this issue.
tissues or issues
what is it with tissue and issue being gramattically related? they have nothing in common at all. tissue has two meanings, one flesh the other a somewhat useless piece of paper
pps richards franz t shirt is currently outside hung up to dry
Vegetarianism is an ethical system. It holds animal life to be the standard of good. In this context, vegetarianism does not just mean those that don't eat meat. It is limited to those that do it as part of a particular ethical belief. The belief that it is "wrong" to eat animals.
Regardless of the reason for this belief, it causes an enormous problem for a code of ethics. As a standard of value, it doesn't answer how people should act. It acts as a limit on morality. Since it cannot answer the question of how to act, it relies on a second standard. Two standards, though, make rational choice impossible.
It may be claimed that vegetarianism isn't really an ethical system. Some may just accept it as an ethical principle, part of a larger system. But what system? The only ethical system that cares more about the lives of animals than humans is environmentalism, with its hatred of mankind. If the ethical principle does not conform to the ethical system, than it is immoral.
One claim to support vegetarianism is that it is wrong to kill living entities. This is a faulty induction based on a different ethical code. It can be shown that it is wrong to kill other human beings (under certain contexts). But to expand this to animals is nonsensical. Humans can work together to mutual advantage. They are capable of respecting each other's rights.
Further, if it is wrong to kill animals, why stop there? Why isn't it wrong to kill plants as well? Vegetarians sometimes argue that plants don't suffer. They don't have feelings. But this implies ethics is based on suffering. Under this premise, it would be okay to kill people if they were suffering.
Vegetarianism is a hodgepodge of faulty abstractions, irrational conclusions, and lack of logical vigor. It is a mind killer, though. It is so incoherent, any attempt to integrate it can only result in epistemological chaos. It screams that morality is absurd, and that anyone who takes it seriously is a fool.
epistemological: the theory of knowlege, especially the critical study of its validity, methods, and scope
*searches for dictionary in sheer panic* Yes, oh course we know what that last complex word meant! Surely everyone else would have been quite able to translate such a term as ethino....may jiig into something understandable!
Nice comment about vegetrarianism, it is very much worth a read despite its overall length of passage.
Sole Employee of the SP
muwhaha
currently to my left is the mysterious no-one called Percy. note to Laura: the phrase "Teddy" refers only to bears and not cuddly toys in general.
And the fine comments of the Scandal Press Cheif Editor are supported by Harsh Reality
Great, now I can post here too...
Hmm, if all rights are removed from this post, I could put it somewhere else, right? Am I the first one who notices that the rights are removed? Or maybe I just didn't notice that it was already said in another comment...
Well most animals are about as concious as plants are. They live off instinct and have no knowledge of that they are alive. Also 16 years of living with people who sell collectable cuddly toys tells me that they can't be generalised into the one catagory of "teddies". Named so because of one Theodore (Teddy) Roosevelt who spared the life of one "Bear" and there after became known as Teddies' BEAR. The rest of which can only be generalised as TOYS.
**Raises from his seat, stands and applauds whole heartedly**
That was outstanding. Such reasoned logic, well thought and well backed-up. **A little lost for words to follow it up** Why didn't you speak at Lit and Deb more?? And if you can write like that, you should easily get the A at General Studies. I urge you, take it from this hiding place in the comments list and put it in it's rightful place as an article in it's own rights.
I agree, whole heartedly, and as such have nothing to add to such an argument other than my support. Well said Richard!
"Vegetarianism is a hodgepodge of faulty abstractions, irrational conclusions, and lack of logical vigor. It is a mind killer, though. It is so incoherent, any attempt to integrate it can only result in epistemological chaos. It screams that morality is absurd, and that anyone who takes it seriously is a fool."
I find this article very interesting very interesting indeed seeing as I've been a vegetarian since I was about 3 I'm starting to eat some meat now but my stomach isn't playing along. I'm a fool ey? nice
Adri
Xxx
I hate to point this out but it appears that we may have missed some vital scandal, note comment 15. Scandal Press Cheif Editor mentions of a inanimate carbon rod and its skocking movements. Please elaborate
Ahh yes, fabulous. I assume scandal really does run through the family, nice comments. Percy? What is the difference between simply a teddy bear and all things cuddly? Is the latter the Scandal Chief Editor himself, Laura?! Please do elaborate on the Percy issue and where Percy is now hiding!
Jonah
Rick there is no way on this earth that you wrote that, you come up with somthing like that, the thought shouts the word BOLLOCKS at me.
As a result a quick entry into google finds a certain site: www.importanceofphilosophy.com/Evil_Vegetarianism.html
Shocking how they stole your artical isn't it. Especially as that piece is Copyright 2001.
I feel hurt that you would shamelessly copy an article and claim it as your own.
A very let down Paul
hehehe **applause for james for noticing** (for everyone who's too lazzy to copy and paste the like you can click here = it's exactly the same!!! lol
damn I messed up once again **hangs head in shame**
better work this time
nm I've lost the nack for computers **breaks down in tears**
Jeff Landauer and Joseph Rowlands, ahhh... two great men of the world.
PS if you want to see the site it was stolen from just take the br/ off the end of adrianas' link.
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and the <>
i've locked him in the cellar along with all the others!!!
what do i want clarkey to say???
Ricky T
We have a new piece of scandal from a very reliable source. Apparently, one of the Scandal Press Officers family has dark secrets including Incestuous Relations
I deny being involved in any such matters as I am sure my adopted brother, the golden cheap shot artist Chris will verify! Hope to here this exclusive Scandal right here soon, where you won't find it anywhere else.
Jonah
I feel bad vibes ;p
Right you should, adriana!
The Cheif Editor, to me, lacks a bit of compassion and common sense. He needs to wake up and realise that he does not come first any more.
talk about harsh reality ;p
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