Dear All,
Without much of a basis to go on, we are somewhat proud to announce that James Clarke is and was a Head Choir Boy, we are unsure as to which religion it was but try this link, thoroughly fitting I believe.
I can currently only emphasize how great our trip to Manchester today was, and due to a great medium of communication the only person missed was Kyle, who is at this moment smuggling an entire shipment of fuel out of Shell and we're going to hide it in Pauls summer house or Clarkeys downstairs aqua cupboard.
Now a few words of scandal from our foreign correspondant Timmy (fresh out of a bulgarian prison) in America: Upon driving to Why in Arizona i came across a Reflexology Clinic where they stated with much enthusiasm that "We unblock your constipation with our fingers", a harrowing comment i'm sure, which will lead to much entertainment to us learnéd Englishmen.
Finally, some inspiring words from an unknown graffiti artist, "All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door" (and according to Italian law being a lady of negotiable affection called Mary)
Yours,
Until next week,
The Scandal Press Editor-in-Chief
And Timmy.
10 comments:
On a Plus note we seem to have found scotty, he had been turned in at the local pound and we got to him in time to free him from being put down due to a lack of altitudal gain.
Not a lot to add to this one, really.
James Clarke has been confirmed to be the Vicar's Head choir boy (if you get my drift) **wink wink**
Today's Manchester trip was utterly fantastic! Although Kyle was missed dearly, it was great to be a smaller group again - just how it was last summer. No offence to the new editions, but, well, it was simply better.
And we are all thoroughly relieved to have found Scotty again. It was a torrid time, but the panic is finally over! Hooray!!
Paul
a scadnal so hot i cnat sepll; James Clarke can't handle his drink! According to some excellent sources he was repoted being seen avec puke all over his trousers in a bar of some description. James claimed that his drink went down the wrong way, which is quite bizarre as no-one reports him standing on his head with a bottle in his arse!
Sole employee here again...in full reporting poise on the eve of his swift move to the wilderness again, unknown to all passers by.
James was in complete embarrassment as he found himself soaking through down the leg with what can only be described as outward fluid! I am not quite sure what happened and despite attempts for the man himself to explain, I am still under the impression that the man involved wedged the bottle where the sun doesn't even think about shinning!
On a brighter note (what??) I would like to ask the bank who served Mr C today why on earth the money that he rightfully possessed suddenly made a surprise appearance? Surely the presence of a well-respected and powerful businessman, Mr P Clarke Sr had nothing to do with the bank's quick reversal! I await Mr C's comment with anticipation but for now, I merely speculate!
hello,
may it be here by stated that i have never been in a choir and only ever attended church under intense pressure from nagging parents.
Anyway, last night, i am perfectly capable of holding my drink, although i did eat/drink enough to satisfy even the bottomless pit that is Rick's stomach. On finishing a pint of Fosters (very gassy beer)it traveled down the wrong way making me ill very unfortunate richochete off the rim of the toilet ended up on the bottom of my trousers.
Hope that put the record straight.
James
no we just like to hear you pitiful attempts to explain your lightweightedness
**watching the show from the side stand with a huge grin on face** (O am I lucky to be a gal and to have no one care if I can hold my drink or what?)
xxx
P.S. will someone pass the popcorn?
I can just picture a few compatriots frowning at the given statement by Mr C and in their bemusement they are probably thinking "excuses, excuses!" However, I do not represent this view, nor suggest it...I merely snigger along and wave my finger at you for being a lightweight, in the words of the Chief!
Sole Employee
Before I receive a red hot reaction (sorry, I can't help myself!) I, myself, admit freely that I'm very much a lightweight drinker. Working 24/7 here at the Scandal Press office, which is incidentally set to move its headquarters to Aberdeen (two places in fact, honestly!) I have no time to build up a workman-like appetite for the fuel we know as alcohol and thus I am pitiful in all and any attempts to consume lots of the stuff. I hold my hands up high, but will Mr C aswell as and unknown Adri do the same??
Sole Employee
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