SCANDAL.....er....what?

According to someone I know I apparently had some Scandal so here it goes in our usual drunken manner!

A new incentive by the government to give the new messiah a toy and gadget fund has been passed, the righteous person in question shall be receiving approximately £1000 every three months on the understanding that it shall all be spent on toys and gadgets.

The latest trend in stunt riding has taken off quite sucessfully, commonly known as "ghost riding the whip", this ultimately cool stunt invo tlves sticking your car in neutral, turn your music up to max volume, climb out of your car and ride on the roof. The current record is 7 seconds of sitting on the roof held by someone that Mr. HaRsH rEaLiTy claims to have met in a pub one night. We wholeheartedly believe him, so that is where the challenge stands. Beat this, or perhaps use a deck chair to sit on the roof and the Scandal Press will personally give you the position of our current President (brie).

Now I've forgotten everything i was supposed to say!!!

On the upside however, East Dublin, and Athens, Texas, sponsored their own versions of Redneck Games, with events such as mud-pit belly-flopping, seed-spitting and making armpit music, as well as "red-neck horseshoes" (played with toilet seats), a Spam-and-jalapeno-eating contest, a mattress chuck, men bobbing for raw animal parts in tomato paste, and the ever-popular co-ed butt crack contest. Scotty 'the mongrel' Dog writes: "There was something strangely arresting about watching 10 serious-faced guys grind away at pink bricks of Spam while Steppenwolf's 'Born to Be Wild' boomed from the loudspeakers."

Also, Twelve hundred troops from Poland were deployed to Afghanistan in June as part of a NATO buildup to patrol the Pakistan border, searching for Taliban forces, but Polish commanders admitted that they would not be combat-ready for several weeks because the keys to all their Humvees had been stolen. One commander said spare keys had been ordered. The Scandal Press blames global warming for distracting the polish whilst we stole their keys. If anyone would like a Polish Army branded Humvee, we have 240 of them with mounted 50 caliber machine guns, starting pirice is £3500.

Yours,

as always,

the Scandal Press Senior Editor-in-Chief