To be published under the guise of a belated Monday Issue, the Scandal Press Team would like to completely quell all recent rumours that suggest the whereabouts of the SP headquarters to be located in quite frankly bizarre surroundings somewhere in the North of Wales with neither signal nor contact to the extensive information highway. This is hoped to explain how the SP can be so difficult to trace and be seemingly unaccountable for exposing such extraordinary stories. This circulation of believed truths, it should now be reiterated, should be condemned for such rumours are utter codswallop. We can confirm dear readers of filth and all that is good to the planet of scandal (the biggest and fieriest in the entire universe) that the Scandal Press is indeed a GLOBAL PHENOMENON.
May I take you through a guided tour of the wonderful presence of Scandal Press enterprises across the globe.
1) By day we are an exclusive reporting blogger team of all things scandalous, by NIGHT, however, we are a popular French brothel operating in New York under the clever guise of Le Scandal Press, aiming to seduce our customers into a fit of giggles and mischief. Hailed by the New York Times as "part showgirls, part Broadway Danny Rose", our burlesque house is credited highly by critics of the Village Voice: "The 'Le Scandal' performers entertain, entice, and enrage all the while redefining what is sexy... One wonders why there isn't a year-long waiting list to get a piece of this action."*
2) Raising the roof with its stories of hot gossip and unheard, sometimes highly embarrassing, concealed misdemeanours of those we care to name, the Scandal Press elsewhere has hit a sore point with those in Germany, according to internet sources, claiming that those falsely claiming SP membership have gone too far. The paper trying to follow in our illustrious footsteps, das goldene Blatt, violated a German press code 1&2 last year and was reprimanded for pushing its luck after a series of reported vicious allegations and lies concerning the Norwegian royal family. Here in the UK, we say "gives ya right, stick to what you're best at, and that ain't scandal!"
3) The Scandal Press also extends as far south as Down Under for the SP team are suspected of being the life of the party offshore too, linked with owning a famous 38 ft Chris Craft Commander in Western Australia. "Bambi", as it was christened, " often was featured in the scandal press. Wild parties aboard while on the moorings at Rottnest Island 12 miles of the coast from Perth and its sister port of Fremantle were legendary."** Despite his renowned spirit of partying like a crazed zebra, our Chief Editor has barely any recollection of his property in other parts of the world, but assures us he's a keen fisherman (especially with a bottle of bubbly on board).
So there you have it and I hope you're more miffed now than you were when you first glared at this publication.
And finally, a bug ha loo to you!
The Scandal Press Team
All rights removed*
May I take you through a guided tour of the wonderful presence of Scandal Press enterprises across the globe.
1) By day we are an exclusive reporting blogger team of all things scandalous, by NIGHT, however, we are a popular French brothel operating in New York under the clever guise of Le Scandal Press, aiming to seduce our customers into a fit of giggles and mischief. Hailed by the New York Times as "part showgirls, part Broadway Danny Rose", our burlesque house is credited highly by critics of the Village Voice: "The 'Le Scandal' performers entertain, entice, and enrage all the while redefining what is sexy... One wonders why there isn't a year-long waiting list to get a piece of this action."*
2) Raising the roof with its stories of hot gossip and unheard, sometimes highly embarrassing, concealed misdemeanours of those we care to name, the Scandal Press elsewhere has hit a sore point with those in Germany, according to internet sources, claiming that those falsely claiming SP membership have gone too far. The paper trying to follow in our illustrious footsteps, das goldene Blatt, violated a German press code 1&2 last year and was reprimanded for pushing its luck after a series of reported vicious allegations and lies concerning the Norwegian royal family. Here in the UK, we say "gives ya right, stick to what you're best at, and that ain't scandal!"
3) The Scandal Press also extends as far south as Down Under for the SP team are suspected of being the life of the party offshore too, linked with owning a famous 38 ft Chris Craft Commander in Western Australia. "Bambi", as it was christened, " often was featured in the scandal press. Wild parties aboard while on the moorings at Rottnest Island 12 miles of the coast from Perth and its sister port of Fremantle were legendary."** Despite his renowned spirit of partying like a crazed zebra, our Chief Editor has barely any recollection of his property in other parts of the world, but assures us he's a keen fisherman (especially with a bottle of bubbly on board).
So there you have it and I hope you're more miffed now than you were when you first glared at this publication.
And finally, a bug ha loo to you!
The Scandal Press Team
All rights removed*
* Source: lescandal.com/press
4 comments:
In shocking Scandal related news we have a serial thief on the loose. And not the sort that steals your cornflakes, although that alone is enough for scandal. Not being happy enough to steal a name, a certain person who, to avoid revealing his full name, will be called Scotty The Dog, has decided to steal ideas and claim them for his own, most recently to be seen in this very scandal edition! During a South Park Marathon, a search on google for Scandal Press discovered the existance of a German Newspaper named after the scandal, which was then to be hijacked by Mr The Dog and posted by his own scandal team.
A warrant has been sent out for his arrest, and if anyone finds Mr The Dog there is a reward of 1000000Yen, (roughly £1.25) for his capture, Dead or Alive
what a load of bollocks
New Scandal: Rick will reveal all...
Watch this space dear children for it shall be worth the wait I hear from our Chief Editor. Scotty Dog is still missing and at large but doesn't respond to whistles or shouts of "here boy".
Prez
on further reflection to this some year on, I agree, what a load of utter bollox!
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