ScandalPress Spreads its wings

Dear one and all,

I bring you joyous news that now i have finally discovered video editing the Scandal Press is spreading to streaming video via UTube (you has been removed for illegal reasons). Some folk may remember the party at our esteemable Presidents residence in Bridge of the Ladies (makes it sound more affluent doesn't it?). At this party was a poly-logue (?) on candid camera of the aptly named Tequila episodes or Tequila Mockingbird, this was reported on in a previous Scandal Press (edition ep123fd), now it has come to the worlds attentions through the media of video. The clip, named Tequila Mockingbird, is viewable on that thing online, er whatsit-ma-jig. It is a beta version due to the fact that our media departement does not yet have all the clips to create a full episode quite yet, this will be soon to follow as and when our President releases the Tequila Dossier of all the clips.

Also we send out our condolences to Miss A.Ferrari, who recently had her tonsils out and is currently in a vegetative state in her new flat in Bonn on medication that includes Codeine, a drug she believes to be illegal in Germany. She had a dellusional rant at me on on earlymorning/late night perusal of MSN Messenger about male pregnancy and asked our Senior Editor-in-Chief to consider doing so. Sadly he declined but said he would do his part in making more people pregnant.

Yours,

For now at least,

Scandal Press Senior Editor-in-Chief

p.s. thankyou to all our aberdeen subscribers, I much enjoy our rants in the street

I should really be doing my dissertation

Hello to one and all,

I bet you didn't expect a post from me, i know i've been quiet of late but i intend to put that right.

First of all "Salut" to Jonah who is off in the land of the frog eating, garlic loving "surrender monkeys."

Apart from Jonah who is MIA, what's everyone else upto this easter?? i'm in Leeds for a bit of it but i'll also be in Bolton which should give some opportunity for atleast a few quiet pints down the Lion or a nice pint anywhere else.

Oh and this being the scandal press i guess i better tell you all some scandal, well did anyone hear the catholic churches new 7 deadly sins?
Number 1 was "one should not gather excessive wealth" coming from one of the wealthiest organisations in the world that's just a tad hypocritical.
Also that it's wrong to do damage to the environment, but they still are anti-contreception which is causing massive damage in the 3rd world with excessive population growth.
All this coming from a Pope who used to be a member of the Hitler Youth and a keen Nazi.
Insane or what??

Anyway, i need to go write a few thousand words before tomorrow so i'll be off.

See you all soon.

James

SCANDAL.....er....what?

According to someone I know I apparently had some Scandal so here it goes in our usual drunken manner!

A new incentive by the government to give the new messiah a toy and gadget fund has been passed, the righteous person in question shall be receiving approximately £1000 every three months on the understanding that it shall all be spent on toys and gadgets.

The latest trend in stunt riding has taken off quite sucessfully, commonly known as "ghost riding the whip", this ultimately cool stunt invo tlves sticking your car in neutral, turn your music up to max volume, climb out of your car and ride on the roof. The current record is 7 seconds of sitting on the roof held by someone that Mr. HaRsH rEaLiTy claims to have met in a pub one night. We wholeheartedly believe him, so that is where the challenge stands. Beat this, or perhaps use a deck chair to sit on the roof and the Scandal Press will personally give you the position of our current President (brie).

Now I've forgotten everything i was supposed to say!!!

On the upside however, East Dublin, and Athens, Texas, sponsored their own versions of Redneck Games, with events such as mud-pit belly-flopping, seed-spitting and making armpit music, as well as "red-neck horseshoes" (played with toilet seats), a Spam-and-jalapeno-eating contest, a mattress chuck, men bobbing for raw animal parts in tomato paste, and the ever-popular co-ed butt crack contest. Scotty 'the mongrel' Dog writes: "There was something strangely arresting about watching 10 serious-faced guys grind away at pink bricks of Spam while Steppenwolf's 'Born to Be Wild' boomed from the loudspeakers."

Also, Twelve hundred troops from Poland were deployed to Afghanistan in June as part of a NATO buildup to patrol the Pakistan border, searching for Taliban forces, but Polish commanders admitted that they would not be combat-ready for several weeks because the keys to all their Humvees had been stolen. One commander said spare keys had been ordered. The Scandal Press blames global warming for distracting the polish whilst we stole their keys. If anyone would like a Polish Army branded Humvee, we have 240 of them with mounted 50 caliber machine guns, starting pirice is £3500.

Yours,

as always,

the Scandal Press Senior Editor-in-Chief